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january 2000 design news
by N. Rain Noe
Homelessly Devoted To You
Urban Camping, a/k/a homelessness, just got a little bit easier. For his graduate project at MIT, artist Michael Rakowitz designed personal shelters for the homeless, which were first tested in Boston and recently introduced in New York. Made of clear garbage bag plastic, the tent-like structures should be coming soon to a train station near you.
Design features:
- Transparent to make the occupant visible, in order to draw attention to the plight of the homeless. Says Rakowitz of the homeless problem, "I'm an artist, and this is the only way I can act."
- Ribbed walls to circulate heat supplied by nearby sidewalk exhaust vents.
- Removable plastic pockets that can be used to hold food or store clothing.
I think the tents are an excellent idea, and I sympathize with the homeless. (I too remember being penniless, hungry and dorm-less in college, when the major difference between me and a homeless person was that I had homework.) And while you won't see these things in Martha Stewart Living any time soon, they apparently offer better warmth and functionality than the ubiquitous back-alley refrigerator box. Which reminds me--someone should talk Frigidaire into shipping their products in sleeping bags.
One Good Reason Not To Go Fishing For Electric Eels
A fishing rod designer's material of choice has always been strong-but-flexible fiberglass (which doesn't conduct electricity), but recently they've started manufacturing them with graphite (which does conduct electricity). Bad news for Scott Zeigler, who inadvertently electrocuted himself with one last week. The unlucky Virginia resident was using a fishing rod to free a model rocket entangled in some power lines; and whether it's the volts or the amps that get you, the end result is that he's deader than a country music bar in the Bronx.
It's an enormous testament to the human aptitude for calamity: no matter how harmless a product you design, someone, somewhere, can use it to kill themselves.
Flagged Down
The design firm Pentagram and designer Robert Brunner recently collaborated to create a prototype for the National Millennium Time Capsule (now on display at the Smithsonian). Their design for the capsule, disappointingly, turned out to be a rather bland wooden box in the form of the American flag.
"We developed 25 different designs," explained Pentagram's Jim Biber. "But the flag was chosen because it is an obvious symbol of the nation." I'm assuming the other 24 designs were boxes of other nations' flags. ("All right, Rob, we've got it down to the Nicaraguan flag, the Portuguese flag and the American. What's it gonna be?" "Man, this is tough--let's get the intern in here, see what she thinks.")
While the prototype was wood, the actual capsule will be made of (gasp!) metal. And get this--"The white stripes will be stainless steel, embodying America's industrial past; the red stripes will be silicon bronze, symbolizing communication, and the blue stars will be titanium, a space age metal representing America's future."
Lovely, except the stars on the American flag aren't blue, they're white. ("Dammit! Hey, do we still have that Nicaraguan flag sitting around?")
"I'm Sad, Mouse Really Sad."
Here's something that none of us have asked for but that they're making anyway. Computers that can sense your emotional state, by means of a so-called Emotion Mouse.
I.B.M.'s Almaden Research Center is currently developing the device, which tracks the user's pulse rate, skin temperature, skin moisture level, etc. through embedded sensors.
What will computers do with this information? Industry "experts" have already suggested some patently ridiculous applications for sensing technology:
"Keychains could summon the police if the user seemed unusually frightened." Yeah, that should make for some gripping episodes of Rescue 911. ('Hello, police? This is Sara Peterson's keychain! Come quick! Quick! There's a huge, icky spider on the windowsill! Her EKG is off the charts!')
"A computer could automatically replay portions of a lecture if it sensed that a student's mind had wandered." I'll tell you right now, my ADD would blow the system in about fifteen minutes. Ten if the teacher was an attractive member of the opposite sex. Five if I had coffee that morning.
"Future personal computers might try to perk up sad users by playing jolly music." Just the thing to get you over the death of a loved one: your PC whistling "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
I've got some suggested applications of my own:
- Game controller senses you're a loser that's become too emotionally invested in a game about falling blocks. Automatically shuts the game down, sprays cologne on you and dials a dating service.
- Mouse automatically senses how much you hate your job and sends an e-mail to your boss, who fires you through e-mail. ("Subject: Clean Out Your Desk")
- Uncooperative fax machine senses you're about to throw it out and emits a piercing shriek, followed by a punitive stun ray. Further threatens to fax some of your tax "mistakes" to the I.R.S.
- Scale in car seat senses you've put on one pound too many; car refuses to stop at McDonald's drive-thru. Keeps pulling up in front of random gyms. Drives erratically to make you nauseous, creating the phenomenon of Automotive Bulimia. After you fall off the wagon and stuff some Ho-Ho's at the Kwik Fill, car abandons you.
Why2K
Missile launches, blackouts, water shortages. Kind of anticlimactic (although relieving) that all the Y2K hoopla, which this writer fell for hook, line and sinker, came to naught.
As of this writing the only significant New Year's glitch was the failure, for two to three hours, of a single spy satellite link. Must have been terrifying for the Pentagon--they missed 2-3 hours of watching Absolutely Nothing happening.
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