In case you weren't looking for adventurous and fast acting resources for soul crushing anxiety back in 2015, let me put you on some weird but promising Japanese game. Think of how babies chill out when they're swaddled up, or, for you fellow non-parents, remember that cat burrito meme? Otonamaki is basically that.
Enter a caption (optional)
It's a fringe practice, but popular. After wrapping arms, legs and head close to the body with taut fabric, you're treated to 20 minutes of the therapeutic sensation that your adult human body has transformed into a potato sack that still has unpaid bills. Assuming you haven't panicked and bailed, or started speaking in dead tongues.
Proponents of Otonamaki claim that it realigns the spine and brings better "balance." First pioneered by a Japanese midwife, it is still thought to relieve back and joint pain, and even increase flexibility. Physiologically the practice isn't without its detractors, as some doctors find the imprecise constriction dubious at best. And anyone rational finds these human cheesecloths at very least unsettling.
Though the body mechanics are still up in the air, there might be some validity to mummification's emotionally soothing side effects. Light compression around the torso and neck (like hugging) has been shown to increase dopamine production, and correlate with effective self-soothing and emotional regulation.
Creepy as it is, and dire though straits may be, a bed sheet is still a bit more reasonable than a $1,500 cardboard screaming box.