Many Americans have had this experience: You're in a crowded arena. Suddenly a gun is pointed towards you and fired. Instantly, the person next to you shoves you aside or dives in front of you to shield you from the projectile.
Am I talking about politicians and bodyguards? No. I'm talking about when you're at a sporting event and the mascot breaks out the T-shirt gun, and the seemingly friendly accountant next to you starts boxing you out like Tyson Chandler. I've never been to a sporting event outside the United States so I don't know if our overseas readers have seen these, but basically, we use our Yankee ingenuity to wad T-shirts up and fire them into the 300 level using air-compressor launch tubes with names like "The Bleacher Reacher." And you'd be amazed at how many shoving matches, children be damned, will erupt over the opportunity to snag a free Knicks XL.
The problem every sporting team mascot must deal with is that there are only so many T-shirts you can fire every second, which means there's a limit to how many fistfights you can start. And if you're spending your working hours peering through a slit while dressed as a small dinosaur or a giant chickenhawk, that's disappointing.
Thankfully, there's hope in the form of this thing:
At eight shots per second, you can have a full-fledged riot on your hands in no time.
Of course, we'd be more impressed if T-shirt cannons worked like this:
What guy wouldn't want to get dressed like that every morning?