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e

Cars

There's Speculation that Apple is Designing a Car—Here's What We Think the "iCar" Experience Will Be Like

Apple hired another Tesla Engineer, but we know what's really going on during their design meetings

By Emily Engle - December 18, 2018

News broke yesterday that Apple hired yet another Tesla designer to join their design team, bringing back previous speculations that Apple is working on designing a car.

Based on design decisions made by Apple in the past, we've put together our best guess at what the "iCar" experience might be like:

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iCar is autonomous, but in order to brake or turn, you need to say "Hey Siri, brake" or "Hey Siri, turn left". Siri doesn't often hear or listen to you, but when she does it's quite a seamless experience.

iCar's gas tank is not compatible with most gas stations, therefore dongles will be required in order to to fill up on gas. Dongles will be conveniently placed in the trunk of each iCar upon purchase. If you lose or forget your dongle (which is likely), replacements will be available for $439 a pop.

As a way to say thank you for switching your entire life over to their product family, Apple will pre-install U2's greatest hits onto all iCar operating systems. Upon entering the iCar, a U2 song of the driver's choice will automatically play (think It's a Beautiful Day, With Or Without You or Sunday Bloody Sunday). If you try to delete U2's greatest hits, well, you can't. Sorry.

Taking a cue from the new iPad Pro's camera, the iCar will feature volcano head- and taillights because seriously what's the point of an aerodynamic car anyways?

iCar does not have keys because your face is your key now. That's right, Face ID is the only way to unlock the iCar. Jony was really pulling for fingerprints, but it's almost 2019 and we're beyond that. Carrying a large load of groceries and need to open your trunk to put them inside? You better make sure your face is still visible to iCar.

Research shows that drivers get stressed out when they can see too much of the road at once. To combat this feeling of anxiety, each iCar features a notch at the top of their windshield.

iCar will only be compatible with iPads, iPods, AirPods, Macbooks and Apple Pencils releasing after 2020, so you can look forward to replacing all of your Apple devices very soon!

Emily Engle

Emily is Core77's Editor, footwear enthusiast and resident stress baker.

11 Comments

Jason Pokines

4 months ago

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iCar does not support trailers. To increase your carrying capacity, learn more about our iCar Plus.

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Jason Pokines

4 months ago

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Actually, there is a gas pedal, but it's also the brake pedal. This streamlined interface will reduce driver error and provide the user with a footwell that is clear of unnecessary clutter.

iCar does away with the need for a backup camera. This is a vehicle of discovery, so there is no reverse gear; to back up, you simply drive home first and start a new journey.

Everything on an iCar is assembled with the latest in adhesive technology, rendering it maintenance free.

Always drive your iCar with your hands at the 10 and 2 positions on the steering wheel. Apple cannot support drivers who place their hands in any other position. Alternate positions may interfere with the quality of your travel.

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Donald Jones

4 months ago

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Only works with iElectrons.

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Mike Heck

4 months ago

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Bumpers are made of glass. It's Gorilla Glass though, so you're good

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Juan Cano

4 months ago

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I bet the iCar service stations will be so clean... and you'll have to make an appointment to bring it in and then still wait to have it serviced.

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- amunta nul
  
  Juan Cano
  
  4 months ago
  
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  oh man the "genius" garage... "You've got a flat tire but there might be water damage so we have to replace your engine just in case. you might was well buy a new icar. also we don't sell replacement parts to 3d party garages."
  
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  - Emily Engle
    
    amunta nul
    
    4 months ago
    
    Z
    
    1Z
    
    Each iCar comes with a vague live-in Genius bar assistant who, when your iCar has problems, won't say he will fix it, but he also won't say he won't fix it...
    
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warner john

4 months ago

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Great Insights! The iCar will feature tech ahead.

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Scott Brown

4 months ago

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iCar might also stop working completely if, when prompted to update the OS, an owner selects "remind me later" more than 100 times over several months.

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Luke Haney

4 months ago

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iCar will continously prompt you to add extra storage space for $49.99/mo, but then you remembered you bought a Toyota Tacoma, and not the iCar, and that's not your problem anymore.

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Jason Pokines

4 months ago

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iCar feels good in the garage.

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