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Steven M. Johnson's Bizarre Invention #157: Home-Invasion-Thwarting Floorplan
By Steven Johnson - December 26, 2018
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Steven Johnson
Sideline business as cartoonist specializing in quirky invention ideas since 1966. Author of 8 books: What the World Needs Now; Public Therapy Buses (two editions); Have Fun Inventing; Patent Depending: Vehicles;Patent Depending: Armbrella; Patent Depending: The Early Years; Patent Depending: A Collection; and Noodlings Coloring Book
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Steven M. Johnson's Bizarre Invention #157: Home-Invasion-Thwarting Floorplan
What I really like about this design is that the true residential areas of the house are completely walled off from external exposures. Nothing says "extreme wealth" like the sort of pasty complexion you can only achieve by literally never seeing the sun.
Where are the ejection platforms which propel intruders into the sky and out of the house when they are stepped upon? Or, alternatively, the collapsing floors which send intruders into a dungeon? Those corridors could also have moving walls which would confine intruders so much that they would pin intruders' arms to their sides.
Do you know the story of a TRULY diabolical, real life, character—perhaps the first mass murderer in the U.S.— who built a large guest hotel in Chicago that he specifically designed to accommodate lonely visitors to the 1893 Chicago Exposition, and to kill the tenants? His hotel had rooms with greased slides down into a special basement room, gas outlets for asphyxiation, and places for stripping the flesh from his many victims. If you have the stomach for it, learn about H.H. Holmes in "The Devil in the White City" and other books and videos. My drawing is quite tame.
"The tenants arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these..."
–"The Architects Sketch", Monty Python's Flying Circus