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The Weekly Design Roast, #1
Industrial malign
"The client needed a handrail. I accidentally ordered way too much tubing. My solution not only uses up all of the tubing, but has the added bonus of making it more difficult to vacuum underneath the stairs. I also blocked a doorway with the staircase placement, but that's not my problem, I'm just the designer."
"When using the bathroom, I want to be reminded that at least one extra cow had to be slaughtered to satisfy my whims. I also like to think of breasts when I look at the underside of my toilet lid."
"I could've just done this with a hook, but a) I wanted to be forced to use both hands when hanging or removing an object, and b) I wanted to spend a lot more money on materials than a simple hook costs."
"I like to keep these stair treads highly smooth and polished. That way, someone might slip and send their leg right between the steps. If they slip with both feet at the same time, it might result in a pretty sweet nut shot on that center support. #AmericasFunniestStaircases"
"Most leather things I carry are not heavy enough. Problem solved."
"What you want in a kitchen drawer handle, is for it to be really difficult to clean out when you spill sauce--okay, red wine--down the front of it. I'll call my handle design the Crumb and Cabernet Catcher."
"I love working on desks that I can accidentally drop pens or sheets of paper through. I've also always wanted a furniture version of the last-year-these-pants-fit-me-but-now-they're-too-tight feeling; when I gain weight after the holidays, I want to have to fold up an extra section so that I can fit."
"I like designing furniture, and I like Eames stuff, but I don't want to get sued. I also love this jacket I've got that has big wooden buttons. Hey--wait a second! I'm getting an IDEA!"
"When I take a key with me, I like to have hard wooden spheres of varying diameters pressing against my thigh from inside my pocket. It also looks cool, like I've got wandering nuts."
"The problem with coat hangers is, they're too easy to hook onto the closet rod--I get it right on the first try every time. I want a coat hanger that requires careful coordination to get it onto the rod. I also like to have sharp metal edges on the surfaces that I grab with my hands."
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Comments
FINALLY!!!....... Every Core77 report needs to be this critical. This was very fun reading. Now apply this critique method to the gallery from ICFF that you just posted. And please make this a permanent series. I can think of many designs that need this treatment. I even considered making my own blog once - a bitter design blog. Thank you Mr. Noe.
You're a damn treasure, Rain Noe
I couldn't be more happy about this. I do this so often now, and did this so often in college with designs. Not sure if I was or am an ass or people think their designs are so clever but actually garbage? Please keep going with these!
This weekly post will include almost all the garbage your non-designer friends show you from pinterest claiming "look! it's amazing, is so creative! I want that in my room"
I like to be the devil's advocate, so I would say this is good for holidays home keys, that you want people to put back on the support ...
LOL! So good!
If it's good enough for file cabinets, it's good enough for the kitchen.
Sure wood and leather might not be great outdoors, with a bike, getting mud and dirt spit up on them, but...look at this shot of my product in use! Surely that's an A.
There are just not enough furniture designs where men can have the danger of getting racked.
You, know like that saying..."why use less material, when you can use more..."...what? that's not the saying?
I wanted to make the stairs appear like the sensation of falling...floating...to reinforce the notion that life is fragile and can be taken away at any time.
I also wanted the user to know my design grade per purchase.
Nothing says luxury like a belt and zipper.
Yeah, all we need to do is connect it at one point, who needs "stability" when it looks cool!
"Oh, and let's go ahead and kill some cows while we're at it."
This is great! Need more!
Love this, and I often wondered whoever designed those kitchen handles. Those are just the worst. For your next round, may I suggest the Beovision Harmony TV? I'm generally a fan of B&O, but this is just ridiculous.
This is hilarious. Instant like and share :-)
I wouldn't mind some of these kinds of "designs" if they weren't surrounded by pompous, self-referential justifications. Err, 'creating a dialog between the modalities of use", or "an honest expression of teleorganic values imposed on a hierarchical negative space".....