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e

Object Culture

The Weekly Design Roast, #2

Industrial resign

By Rain Noe - June 7

"I wanted to design a sink with as many maintenance needs as possible. My solution requires an electrician, a servo motor technician AND a plumber to install. The drain is hidden, making it difficult to clear hair clogs; the wiper blade must regularly be cleaned or replaced; and the stretchy material for the surface will wear out over time too, unlike stupid porcelain. Traditional sinks are white so you can see if they're dirty; mine is dark, so you need to get in there with an LED task lamp to see if it needs cleaning. I haven't found a good place to put a soap dispenser, so this doesn't allow you to actually wash your hands, but who cares? The design is magical."

"You know how bottles aren't flat on the bottom, so there's no way to place them onto a tabletop? Well, I designed this thing that lets you hang the bottle from the edge of a tabletop. While it reduces legroom, the trade-off of finally being able to bring a bottle to a table is worth it. (Wait--bottles aren't flat on the bottom, right?)"

"These giant clothespins are really cute because, you have to push really hard on that top part with both hands, and then the garment just drops on the floor. If you want to hang something, you need two people, one to push and one to place. Also, last weekend we got hammered and Darren stuck his nose into the clip part and we clipped his nose and posted the photo on Instagram! OMG LOL! He had to go to the ER but it was hilarious!"

"This braille watch is designed for the blind. Even though by definition they cannot see, I decided to color the crown button red. This raises the manufacturing cost without adding any benefit for the end user."

"I like for my bookshelves to squander a certain amount of wood for unusable space. This bookshelf also communicates that I have a pulse. Regular bookshelves communicate that their owners are flat-lining. They're a bunch of flat-lining losers."

"At design school, we learned to draw straight lines freehand by practicing. We were taught that practice makes perfect. I say, eff that. I would rather buy something, preferably with plastic parts, that means I don't NEED to practice. If I lose it or forget to bring it to class, I won't be able to draw straight lines and will have a good excuse to avoid the assignment."

"Most cafes use chalkboards or whiteboards to list changing items. But I want to use something non-erasable, so that when my employees make a mistake they have to pull the sheet down, tear it off and start all over again. I now have to reorder paper rolls on a regular basis, which helps create more waste while raising my expenses. Bonus: To change rolls, my employees must ascend a ladder while carrying the heavy roll. It's a precarious operation and a lot of fun to watch."

"In summertime, I can never find shoes that allow me to get mosquito bites on that bony part on the tops of my feet. But I finally found these!"

"I designed this piece of wall art for our office to add visual interest. It also creates a new task for our janitor, Thomas. He gave me a lot of shit this year when my team didn't make the playoffs and his did. So let's see you try to clean this goddamn thing every day, Thomas. I painted it white to better show dust, and spaced the gaps so that a vacuum nozzle can't fit between them. Fuck you, Thomas, and fuck the Raptors."

"For the first few weeks, the client kept saying they worried they would fall off of the landing. I solved this by adding a collapsible desk beneath it that would cushion their fall. They suggested I put railings in instead, then I told them 'Hey! Why don't you leave DESIGN to the DESIGNERS!' That shut them right up."

______________________

See more Weekly Design Roasts.

Rain Noe

Rain Noe is a writer and industrial designer based in New York City.

7 Comments

Joe Bloom

4 months ago

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Not hamper the roasting, but as far as the braille watch a lot of visually impaired users still have the ability to perceive high contrast colors or intense fields of color! issues with sight are often a gradient of ability and this is a thoughtful touch

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Ray Jepson

4 months ago

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+1

Thank you for bringing some biting humour to the blog!

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John Einselen

2 months ago

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And after washing your hands without soap, finish the cleansing process by pressing the same button you did when your hands were dirty.

Timers, proximity sensors, motion sensors, and voice commands are for chumps.

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David Hemming

3 months ago

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I enjoyed this. On to #3!

Oh wait, there's no way to find #3. Excellent design.

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Janne Wolterbeek

4 months ago

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Keep on posting these, the copywriting is very amusing.

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Michael Cuffe

4 months ago

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While the zig-zagging of the shelf design is a bit excessive, having non-horizontal elements in a shelf can help to strengthen and stabilise the unit.

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Mark Norman

4 months ago

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Very funny. Enjoyed reading this. Thanks.

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