"Since most people can't figure out how to get water from a faucet into their mouths after brushing their teeth, it is my duty as a designer to bring this object into the world."
"I wanted to use ten times more material than necessary to create this staircase. I also wanted to create a confusing optical illusion as to where the step actually is, and I wanted it to be very difficult to clean. The only thing I don't like is, I wasn't able to get the edges of the glass handrail as sharp as I'd like."
"I think most people want to have an object they need to adjust under their desks, something that forces their feet into one of two positions. Also, my illustration of the silhouettes in the chair demonstrates that I don't understand how most seatbacks work."
"A conventional bookmark, which is just a slip of stiff paper, is too easy to ship and recycle; they also don't use up enough materials or take up any additional desk space. To solve this, I designed mine out of lacquered ash." [True story: This "bookmark" is "ideal for…books under 9 inches in height." For differently-sized books, you can order their larger version in STEEL.]
"I designed this for the Australian market, so that they can experience what it's like for water to drain in the normal, Northern Hemisphere direction."
"Only thing I don't like is, since we have this against a wall, my wife has to climb through my blue water to get into her pink water. But other than that I am satisfied with my purchase."
"Hear me out: This isn't an umbrella. I designed this to throw it over people who vape in public."
"These come in sets of three shapes with sliding connection points. You can buy as many as you like, figure out some way to affix them to a wall, then fit them together to create a way to store your books in absolute fucking visual chaos. If this doesn't give you a headache, then I'm not doing my job." [True story: The three-unit module retails for $595. The assembled unit shown in the photo costs about $2,400.]
"You will never tire of the novelty of needing to physically rotate this living unit, after removing any object that might fall, into one of three uncomfortable configurations."
"I often want to drink beer or wine while taking a shower, so I designed these. And in my experience, when you stick things to tile they never fall off. So with a wine glass hanging from the wall and me being boozed up and barefoot, what could go wrong?"