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Object Culture

The Weekly Design Roast, #3

Industrial malign

By Rain Noe - June 14

"Since most people can't figure out how to get water from a faucet into their mouths after brushing their teeth, it is my duty as a designer to bring this object into the world."

"I wanted to use ten times more material than necessary to create this staircase. I also wanted to create a confusing optical illusion as to where the step actually is, and I wanted it to be very difficult to clean. The only thing I don't like is, I wasn't able to get the edges of the glass handrail as sharp as I'd like."

"I think most people want to have an object they need to adjust under their desks, something that forces their feet into one of two positions. Also, my illustration of the silhouettes in the chair demonstrates that I don't understand how most seatbacks work."

"A conventional bookmark, which is just a slip of stiff paper, is too easy to ship and recycle; they also don't use up enough materials or take up any additional desk space. To solve this, I designed mine out of lacquered ash." [True story: This "bookmark" is "ideal for…books under 9 inches in height." For differently-sized books, you can order their larger version in STEEL.]

"I designed this for the Australian market, so that they can experience what it's like for water to drain in the normal, Northern Hemisphere direction."

"Only thing I don't like is, since we have this against a wall, my wife has to climb through my blue water to get into her pink water. But other than that I am satisfied with my purchase."

"Hear me out: This isn't an umbrella. I designed this to throw it over people who vape in public."

"These come in sets of three shapes with sliding connection points. You can buy as many as you like, figure out some way to affix them to a wall, then fit them together to create a way to store your books in absolute fucking visual chaos. If this doesn't give you a headache, then I'm not doing my job." [True story: The three-unit module retails for $595. The assembled unit shown in the photo costs about $2,400.]

"You will never tire of the novelty of needing to physically rotate this living unit, after removing any object that might fall, into one of three uncomfortable configurations."

"I often want to drink beer or wine while taking a shower, so I designed these. And in my experience, when you stick things to tile they never fall off. So with a wine glass hanging from the wall and me being boozed up and barefoot, what could go wrong?"

Object Culture

Rain Noe

Rain Noe is a writer and industrial designer based in New York City.

9 Comments

Matt Levine

24 days ago

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Sadly enough, there's a healthy market for a doodad to hold a shower beer - the most popular color(s)? Duh, Camo.

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Bobtato Smith

25 days ago

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I just bathe with my wife in a regular tub, and simply scream "DON'T TOUCH ME!" as required.

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Alex Tinkler

27 days ago

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Superbly incising. These roasts are becoming one of my favourite articles. And who drinks wine in the shower??

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ADAM FLEIGER

29 days ago

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These are great, anyone left with a mean-spirited taste in their mouth needs to read ruined by design, with a grain of salt.

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Luke Haney

a month ago

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Ben and Luke cant take some jokes. Mean-spirited? Relax. This is merely design comic relief. Just as good as the first one Rain, keep it up!

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Juan Cano

a month ago

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I found most of your comments were on point, except for the rotating live/work environment, which seems so nuts I definitely want a a college to make them into rolling dorms.

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Janne Wolterbeek

a month ago

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Love this section. Very funny and true. (Shared it in my group on FB)

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Ben King

a month ago

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The first roast was funny, but I dislike this article. I think some of the work is valid and the comments are a bit cheap.

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Luke Fabis

a month ago

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This strikes me as both unproductive and mean-spirited.

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