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The Weekly Design Roast, #27: Special Firewood Edition
Stuff to burn
By Rain Noe - November 29, 2019
True story: Another design blog wrote about these "incredible series of design ideas" based around firewood storage. That might not sound like Core77's bag, but this "design exercise" has all the elements of a design roast: Models doing silly things, aesthetics at the expense of function, minimal design work done for the sake of "minimalism," a complete lack of consideration for the user experience.
When you're loading a woodburning stove, particularly in the mornings, it's usually freezing. You want to load the thing and get a fire going as quickly as possible. This design turns it into a physics exercise similar to those fruit pyramids at the supermarket: Don't grab the wrong one, or be prepared for a fun mini-avalanche! Also, why is there a pair of Adidas in here, product placement?
This design carries about half the payload its footprint should allow. To distract from that, meet Olivia, who can do mid-air splits.
"The tiny wheels are perfect for helping you transport heavy firewood loads from the woodshed to your house. Just ensure the path between the two is perfectly level and smooth, preferably epoxy-paved. On the other hand, if you have to navigate flagstones, dirt, rocks, gravel, grass, mud, slopes, level changes, or if there are stairs leading to your front door, we've added a convenient carry handle."
From the actual description: "An industrial container can be transformed, evolve [to] take on a new appearance and a new function. [Product name] can become a holder for firewood or pellets, a flower pot stand, a magazine rack..." Thanks for the tips, Captain Obvious. They should promote you to Major.
"Instead of allowing the user to easily grab a split, let's make them lift it to a predetermined height before it becomes free of its enclosure. This will become more fun as they get lower down the pile."
What the eff is this for--bringing your firewood to the Milan Furniture Fair?
This design should work great, if you take the time to sort through your firewood pile and choose only splits that are perfectly straight and balanced. Also, you'll have fun inserting and removing them from the sides; that white wall will definitely not be covered in scuff marks in a few weeks.
These are made from an unspecified "elastic" material that takes its shape from its contents. So you can use them to have a seat and ottoman, or you can actually use the firewood to build your freaking fire. You choose.
Never mind that that lifestyle model on the left looks like she thinks equestrian accessories provide witch-like powers and she's trying to cast a spell on the fire. The design of this contraption is such that you must get down on your hands and knees to load/unload logs. Also, you must go all the way around the object to fully load/unload it. Also, you cannot see at a glance if it is completely full or empty, but must walk all the way around it. Also, because there's no clearance above the logs, you must slide/pull them to load/unload, while you're in a squatting or kneeling position. Let's see how your back holds up.
There's nothing I could say about this photo that I haven't already said about the others. Oh wait a sec, yes there is: Splinters. Why are you dressed like that, did you just come from a barefoot funeral?
Lastly, the image above is how I feel after gathering images for a weekly design roast. There's a reason I do 'em on Fridays. (Also note more Adidas product placement.)
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Rain Noe
I’m a lapsed industrial designer. I was born in NYC and figured I’d die there, but a few years ago I abandoned New York to live on a farm in the countryside with my wife. We have six dogs.
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The Weekly Design Roast, #27: Special Firewood Edition
This convinces me that I don't need better design, I just need attractive models holding my designs.
This is what happens when you let architects design houseware
Most likely the designers of these objects see the them as part of the decoration of their chalet not as a practical fixture. The fireplaces that they are familiar with have gas burners or wide screen display screens.
My favorite part is that the wood used in these photos produces no debris whatsoever; cleanest firewood I've ever seen.
Artisanal firewood to go with the beautiful design. BTW if you google Artisanal firewood you'll find a very humorous video from the CBC.
Too many designers have been playing Giant Jenga and had a sudden flash of inspiration.
Too many designers have been playing Giant Jenga and had a sudden flash of inspiration.
Firewood fell over and killed the cat on a lot of these.
None of these designs is a problem for those with servants, trained to never reveal that most of their employers' requests are humiliatingly ridiculous.