When archaeologists dig up a bench from ancient Chinese or Roman times, you can recognize it's a bench. When they dig this thing up in a thousand years, they're going to assume it was the result of a manufacturing defect.
"My design cleverly prevents you from pushing the chair against a wall. This way the chair takes up more space, which will become important as more of us move into crowded city apartments."
"Once I learned that fiber optic cables are not recyclable, I figured I'd do my part to fuck the planet up and designed these curtains out of them. They offer none of the functional benefits of fiber optic cables, yet will ultimately do the same damage to the planet. Winning!"
"Square tables have four legs and four sides, meaning even small ones can accommodate up to four people. I don't like that kind of flexibility, so my design dictates that this table is only for two."
"The thing I hate about removing books from shelves, is that the shelves remain so stable. I'd much rather they swing a bit during loading and unloading, so I designed this. Also, I don't own many books but want to look like I do, so I needed a way to take up a lot of space with very few copies."
"To be honest I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to be, but I hear that 'modular' is hot, so I just went for it."
"Our design research shows that people want furniture-like geometric shapes that can be configured in different ways. If you want useful functions, go talk to someone else--I'm a designer, not an engineer."
"I wanted the structural support provided by connecting the backrest to the front legs, but without the comfort provided by a usable armrest. Also, critics said these would never sell, and they were wrong--I'm already selling them to Tesla Cybertruck showrooms."
"I designed this chair to allow you to surprise-tickle the sitter from behind without the backrest getting in the way."
True story: The words in quotes were written by another design blog who "loved these" wire tables. "For small objects that might otherwise wobble or fall between the gaps"--you know, exotic things like drinking glasses or coffee cups--you can buy "a series of zigzag-bottomed solid wood plates and trays [that] enable you [to] use them."
Following that thinking, I'm going to design some drinking glasses with razor-sharp rims, and the only way you can drink from them is if you attach an additional grommet I'll design. Eff you, Design World.
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