The newest innovation in laceless shoes: North Face's Boa System (spotted on CoolHunting) which secures the shoe to your foot by means of a crankwheel on the rear. Stainless steel cables keep your foot solidly anchored within the shoe, even while screaming and trying to outrun a bear.
Currently sold in adult sizes only, which, for the sake of the metaphors we use to teach children to tie shoelaces, is just as well.
Then: "The rabbit goes around the tree, and into the hole...."
Now: "Grab the rabbit's ass and twist it until he hugs your foot."